Oct 26, 2010

Are you still mad? Part III


'This is a reflectional post, the song Are you still mad - Alanis Morissette has no video or story. so i gave it one'
in no way shape or form is this my own, (maybe a lil ^_*) carry on - enjoy and lemme know what u think.


Are you still mad I wore the pants most of the time? Not demeaning your manhood at all, but I felt some decisions I should take care of. I could’ve been wrong, but I had to keep a form of control. I didn’t want to be completely dependent and completely independent and you know how I felt about the grey area. Back then I was obsessed with being in control of every minute, I wouldn’t know what to do if something didn’t go according to plan. Now I found life goes easier on me if I let go and just accept the little bumps in the road.


Are you still mad that I seemed to focus only on your potential? I couldn’t help myself but to think of what you had, rather than what you could be. As the dreamer I never was, it was inconceivable to live in hopes of what could be rather than, what is. I chose to live in the now than in any dream. But I’d rather sit and talk to you about your dreams and where you want to be now, even if it’s not with me.

Are you still mad that I threw in the towel? 
Are you still mad that I gave up long before you did? 

Of course you are, but wasn’t it better to let you go than to suffocate you with my tumultuous mood and my irrationality behavior back then. We made promises and failed to stick to our words sometimes, and we fought people who said 3 years from then we wouldn’t even be together. 

We were too convinced and too proud. Now we’re not even friends anymore, we don’t know how to be. I wish we can count our blessings instead of be tortured by passed events and the verbal abuse. I wish to see the laughter lines on your face grow, than the distance between us. 

I had to sit you down to tell you all this and admit that – even thought it’s not easy – that it’s as you said it should be but wasn’t; simple and smooth.

I’m thankful that it happened, I’m glad that I was fortunate enough to have had you in my life. I wouldn’t be the same person without you. I would’ve never grown into the person I am today and realized all the things I have – even if I had to learn the hard way. 

If ever you should like to come visit me and tell me stories of the far east/west, of the people you had crossed paths with, of all the different stories you’ve heard from people I will never meet, know that I will always be curious, about your career and your whereabouts.

-B