Oct 22, 2010

Are you still mad? Part II

'This is a reflectional post, the song Are you still mad - Alanis Morissette has no video or story. so i gave it one'
in no way shape or form is this my own, (maybe a lil ^_*) carry on - enjoy and lemme know what u think.


Still sitting before me i continue by asking him.. 
Are you still mad I had an emotional affair? It was not what you thought at all. I would never leave you. I was simply reacting to something I found fascinating, and the chances of me leaving you for a figment of my wild imagination and subconscious was so unbelievably low. You didn’t know that back then but now, now all my infatuations revolve around you. 



Are you still mad I tried to mold you into who I wanted you to be? I have nothing to say in my defense, except, I loved you too much to let you be someone else I didn’t know. Back then I wanted to know you inside out to the extent that I created your inside and out. And they resembled nothing of who the person you are truly was meant to be. Back then I wanted to say ‘I know exactly who he is’, ‘what he wants’ and to claim all knowledge of you, but now, now I long for a surprise.

Are you still mad I didn't trust your intentions? Of course you are, simply because trust should be given not earned you used to say back then. Now I don’t even want to know your intentions. We’re not a Hitchcock novel. Just be.  
Are you still mad that I flirted wildly? I honestly meant nothing. People like to hear nice things, fact. And you knew that about me, from the day you met me, and you kept making fun of me saying I flirt with the drive-thru guys at McDonald’s to get free sundaes. It was all innocent fun back then, but now. Now I hope you understand I compliment people and take that as is.

Are you still mad I had a tendency to mother you? Like I said a million times, I’m not trying to be your mother, I just worry about you. And yes it’s healthy to follow you to the door with a scarf when it’s cold outside. Maybe not when I showed up at work with medicine and soup and called you my sick child. Or the time I yelled at you to take a shower after a game of football IN FRONT of your friends. But back then I was worried you were accident prone and had the immunity system of a gummy bear, but now, now I know you will take care of yourself and I’m allowed some limit of affectionate care.

Are you still mad that I had one foot out of the door? It’s because leaving is easier than to be left. I was ultimately left though. Back then it seemed like the more secure way to behave in a relationship in preparation of its ending. But now I barely prepare for tomorrow and I try to reasonably jump in with 2 feet.

Are you still mad that we slept together even after we had ended it? Of course you are. You had always said I used sex as a weapon to my own defense and choosing. Except, you enjoyed it for the most part, back then as I’m sure you will now. 
Now, before he even thinks of glaring at me or accusing me of manipulating this to my benefit I continue..